How To Make Sex Feel More Romantic?

Romance and Sex. It is easier to think of this as one leads to the other. For some folks, perhaps it's the same or synonymous. But if sex and love are not exclusive to each other – then maybe sex and romance aren’t, either. 

Romantic sex is special in its own way, its unique to the chemistry of the couple. That chemistry defines the mood, the flavor, the ambiance, and the level of passion before, during & after sex. All that lovely romantic preparation, which comes easier to some lovers and there are infinite ways to go about it, well it leads a wild experience all on its own and that is romantic sex.

If you’re looking to celebrate Valentine’s Day, a special day (or any day really) by making love in a deep and passionate way, here’s an outline you can follow:

Check in with your partner(s) beforehand. 

One of the golden rules is that consent can never be assumed, it has to be communicated – and an excellent communicator is sexy! Even if you’re in a long-term relationship, you should check-in with your partner(s) before you start setting up for a wildly romantic night together. Otherwise you might inadvertently pressure your partner(s) with ‘all the trouble you went to.’ And pressure isn’t romantic – it’s coercive. 

A sexy way to do this is to share a specific desire of yours. This communicates interest, but it also gives them something hot to think about for the rest of the day:

• “I want to make you feel loved tonight… I’d love to take a bath together"
• “I keep thinking about that special night we had and how good you felt in my mouth, will you give me a taste for dessert?
• "Let me cook tonight -- and desert will be eaten upstairs, the way it should be."
• “Do you remember when we first moved into this apartment, how I wanted you so bad we banged on the couch? Do you wanna maybe…?” 

This can (and should) be done throughout sex itself, too. “Can I __?” and “do you like when I __?” are great check-ins that double as dirty talk.

Set the right atmosphere. 

Although having a few good recipes to lean on is a dating essential -- often times, what makes dinner special isn’t the meal, it’s where you eat it. It’s the experience in its entirety that makes it memorable, so the setting is very important.

Working within your personal space is easier than you think - and more affordable than hotel rooms. Does your flat need to be dusted? mopped? vacuumed? organized? Hotels are nice because they’re generally clean, the bedding is semi-comfy and wrinkle-free, and your clothes aren't on the floor yet. Replicate that peace by cleaning up at home (you can try a cleaning service, but it gets weird when you can't find your bedroom essentials after).

Once you’re working with a clean space, you can build a romantic atmosphere. Lean into the cliches: dim the overheads and light a few candles, scatter some rose petals, put on a moody playlist, plate up some aphrodisiac snacks. Maybe it’s corny, but these gestures communicate the desired mood pretty effectively.

Pick intimacy-oriented positions. 

Just as important as the where: the how.

Some sex positions, for example, just feel more intimate. Having a Kama Sutra book detailing the hundreds of position to choose from, can be overwhelming so we can go over a few of them here. Spooning (where someone lays on their side and a partner tucks up behind them) is essentially full-body cuddling but with intercourse from behind. It’s cozy, warm, and frankly underrated. Snag a strap-on harness or a palm-sized vibe for the reach-around, and get ready to whisper something filthy in their ear. 

A less conventional favorite is having someone sit up against the headboard (or the back of the couch) and having their partner sit on or between their thighs, reclining back-to-chest. This intimate position encourages hugging, groping, and even more neck kissing and ear whispering. It also leaves plenty room to use a powerful wand vibrator on the partner in the front. 

Overall, romantic sex positions are the ones that make you feel closer together. You can literally scan through the hundreds of sex positions in the Kama Sutra books and give them a try. What do you each value most? Being able to kiss? Having a hand free so you can hold their leash or a toy? Being close enough to hear them, or unencumbered enough to sign? If eye contact enhances intimacy for you, positions that counter height differences and keep you face-to-face might be preferred (sex swings & position wedges can help).

Pick sex toys that stimulate both of you.

Any sex toy can be used during partnered sex, but some sex toys were specifically designed with partnered use in mind. These kinds of designs can help keep the focus on each other – which is exactly where you want it to be tonight. 

A few examples: 

• Toys that create pleasure for both partners simultaneously, like the We-Vibe Chorus
• Remote and App-Controlled Sex Toys that allow for public foreplay, bedroom teasing, and long-distance intimacy
• Toys that enhance partnered penetrative sex, like wearable strap-on dildos, vibrating cock rings, and penis sheaths
• Versatile toys that can be shared and used on different anatomies, like the Palm Springs Pleaser, Palm Power Recharge, or Romp Wave

Maintain the sappiness with romantic gestures. 

Romance done right requires a little bit of attention to ensure the plans go smooth. There are some gestures and habits that should be maintained throughout the evening to help maintain that emotional connectivity and compliment the sexual chemistry as it builds up.

So what makes a gesture “romantic” exactly? Opinions vary, but in general it’s something that offers emotional vulnerability, reminds the participants of their feelings, and inspires closeness. That could be something as small as making eye contact or simple curbing your enthusiasm to mix in some humor into your conversation, some go as far as preparing stories beforehand.

Perhaps the most straight-forward method would be using “sappy” language during sex. Compliments along the lines of “your skin is so soft”, confessions of love and adoration “I can’t believe I’m so lucky”, mentioning romantically nostalgic moments “remember when I did this to you on our wedding night?”, and dirty talk framed in sweeter phrasing “I want to make love to you until we can’t cum anymore” are all potential avenues. You have to feel the moment to know which avenue the night goes. 

Romance can be offered physically as well. Taking your time with foreplay (which shows your affection/appreciation), eye contact, slow and sensual kissing, asking for a sex act you enjoy but rarely indulge in -- for example, “I would love if you topped tonight…”, trading sensual message where you worship the parts of their body you love most. Romantic Games are great for foreplay, easy to get ideas from the adventurous minds of the adult industry, and are highly recommended for those who need to lean on some spontaneous, in-the-moment advice for romance.

Take things slowly.

Pacing can be key in ensuring sex feels romantic. Everyone knows quickies are fun, but it doesn’t always leave the participants feeling closer, adored, or more connected. Taking your time shows your partner(s) that they’re worth your time, and it builds that mutual lust for one another throughout the evening. That you feel so strongly about them that you want to slow down and shower them in attention, affection, and pleasure.

Slow sex oftentimes is more satisfactory. Going slow means taking your time with foreplay, which helps build arousal, allows each of you to get more comfortable and discover each other, and most importantly makes "painful sex" far less likely. Slow sex gives you more time to enjoy favorite sex acts (perhaps your partner is most likely to orgasm from a lengthy session of oral or would like to discover their g-spot?) and appreciate the shared sensory experience. It ensures you have time to make sure everyone’s needs are met. And what’s more romantic than sex where everyone is valued and has a good time?